Choking on Flowers

Sometimes you long for the feeling of being back with your ex, remembering all the beautiful moments you had together while forgetting the reasons you broke up. I hope to convey the nostalgic emotions you get when you look back on your old relationships through this series. The bittersweet memories you relive when you look through old keepsakes and objects you just can’t seem to let go of.

This photo series came to me when I was cleaning my room, 2 months after my break up. I had found the photos, love letters and the gifts he had given me. These objects didn't hurt me the way I thought they would. I expected that it would be soul crushing to find these items again. I sat with them for a while, I remember smiling and thinking back to the old memories. I read the letters and a part of me got very sad and longed for those moments again. I longed to be loved and thought to myself, maybe we could work it out, maybe the bad stuff wasn't as bad as I thought. I put the letters and photos back in the bottom of my drawer and reality hit. I realized that we weren't together for a reason but I am still allowed to appreciate the times we had. I wanted to capture these strong and complex feelings and so this project was born. I figured it would be healthy for me and might help me to move on from my breakup.

I wanted to capture these feelings in a beautiful and delicate way, I didn't want to make it seem like angry or resentful, but appreciative, sad and nostalgic. I decided to use the old photos of us that I had, but I didn't want to show his face out of consideration so I drew over them with paint markers. I made him into a ghost in two of the photos, which is kind of symbolic of the way our relationship vanished. I based the color scheme around a sheet of fabric from the vintage store, and found a vintage postcard and orange flower to go with it. The post card says “sweet memories link past and present” which I felt like was fitting for the nostalgia theme. While I took these photos I blasted the Call Me By Your Name soundtrack and really got into my feelings.

This series was very personal to me and making it was therapeutic, it made me come to terms with my break up and see it in a positive light. It made it into something beautiful.

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