it's not you, it's me

I’m gonna just say it, breakups SUCK. Especially when it’s your first real relationship. Sure, I had a three-month-long high school fling, but nothing can really compare to your first love. Going through my first break up really took a toll on every aspect of my life. You get into this routine of always being with someone, taking care of them, having them take care of you, and suddenly it stops short. After my breakup, my mental health plummeted, my anxiety skyrocketed, and my trust in people disappeared. Even my love for photography suffered; during this time I couldn’t even pick up my camera. After going through so much mentally, I knew I needed to do something to try and pick myself back up again.

Before my healing, I felt like I had totally lost myself. This realization led me to believe that maybe I just needed to start focusing on myself, and myself ONLY. I had spent months focusing on someone else and making sure I was doing enough for them, instead of making sure I was doing enough for me. I always thought that focusing on myself was a selfish decision because I’m used to always putting others before me, and it took some time to realize that it’s okay to just work on me and to focus on being a better version of myself.

As hard as it’s been, I know this had to be done in order to make progress in bettering myself. Since I have made this “selfish decision” of focusing on myself, I have become happier, I’ve been making new friends, spending more time with old friends, having more freedom, and most importantly my creativity and drive to create has flourished. Although I’m still working on me, I’ve come to realize that yes, it’s going to take time to let this settle within me, but even a little bit of progress is still progress.

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